Akito Sparklepixiefaeriedust Sohma's School Dayze
by Elysian Darkness
Summary: the confessions of Akito Sohma, in highschool, complete with 'personal development' lessons, trips to the headmaster, the endless issues over family members and their gender, and oh so much more! ever so slightly plotless, pointless and pathetic. R


AKITO'S HIGH SCHOOL DAYZE: the teenage oh-so-angst ridden diary of Akito Sparklepixiefaeriedustwishes Sohma.

First day of Highschool

Dear Diary,

Number of idiots heads flushed down toilet by me today: 16 (still counting)

Number of new slaves: 16 plus 1 teacher (still counting)

Friends made: 0

On a high note, tomorrow is PE

Dear Diary,

PE today. evil cackle Volleyball, no. of students with concussion: 27

Friends made: 0

Letters of warning sent home to parental guardian: 1. it's a very good thing my mother doesn't care isn't it?

Shigure said he was disappointed I didn't get one yesterday, I was a bit too. Kureno just said 'bkeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrk' like the bkerk-boy that he is and went back to trying to lay an egg or something equally hilarious to watch because he looked constipated.

Dear Diary,

May have overdone it laughing at bkerk-boy yesterday, am now sick at home with a fever and the tv guide. Picked up some weird show with strange creatures who have televisions in their stomachs, and say 'tubby tustard' a lot, the little one reminded me a bit of Momiji. I have decided that when I next see the bunny boy I will experiment in placing a television in his stomach and re-name him 'Pomiji'

Hatori came this afternoon and as a special treat for him I didn't try and eat the thermometer, even though it's cold and smelly, instead I ate the wooden stick thing he shoved down my throat, and when Yuki walked in to worship me or something I spat it on him ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Apparently I'm 'well enough to go back to school tomorrow.'

Dear…..stuff that you get the picture?

We had our first 'Personal Development' lesson today, gasp shock horror, despite my mild confusion as to which diagram was most applicable to me, I eventually got over that and drew much more pleasant outfits for the diagram people in green crayon. Maybe I'll be like Ayame when I grow up and design outfits for people who are confused as to their gender…on second thoughts….I'd really much rather push people out of windows.

D-man!

I had a really good dream last night, Shigure told Kureno to set himself on fire, so he doused himself with kerosene lit a match and ran away screaming until he was all burnt and crispy and dead, and he smelt like barbecue chicken! Now I want barbecue chicken, and I want Shigure to tell Kureno to set himself on fire and I want a Barbie California dream van that we can all solve mysteries in with our Shigure our dog, who will be renamed 'scooby' for reasons unknown. In other news Moo-boy visited me today, and I questioned him as to why if he's a guy he turns into a cow…shouldn't he turn into a bull? This has been perplexing me for quite a while now. Actually there are a lot of questions I'd like to ask Moo-boy, like if his sweat glands really are located in his nose, and I wonder if Hatori cut him open would they find four stomachs? Hm…must ask Hatori to bring me along for Haru's next check up. While I'm thinking about bovines, next zodiac banquet I'm going to give Haru a great big plate of grass to eat, and I'll give Mr Kitty Kat some kibble! Maybe I'll be a chef! Actually, once again I have to vote in favor of throwing vases at people's eyes instead sorry.

To My Dearest Darlingest most Wondrous Diary

Heh heh heh. You remember hyper bunny? The blonde one who reminded me of those creatures with televisions growing in their stomachs? Well I let bunny boy out of the rabbit hutch today to nibble on grass and repopulate or whatever rabbits do, and that's when I had this really cool idea, I had a hamster once, and when you squeezed it's sides it made hooting sounds, so I tried this with bunny boy, he made hooting sounds too! Like a whole hooting orchestra! Unfortunately Hatori caught me so I had to pretend to give bunny boy a hug. Damn him! I hate hugs. Almost as much as I hate Yuki's haircut….damn rat boy GET A HAIRCUT I yell at him every time I see him, tempted to lock him in the cats room and give him a haircut, except the cats room smells like kitty litter so I'm not going anywhere near there.

Diary Dude,

Today was my seventeenth birthday, Shigure gave me a dress. GRRR. Actually I wasn't so much pissed off at that, as the fact that it was really pretty, despite the fact that Ayame made it although of course it was kind of ….on the provocative side, maybe I'll give it to Rin or Yuki who's as gender confused as they come. Hatori gave me a thermometer. Oh joy. Another thermometer. Kureno gave me some of his feathers arranged in a kind of headdress, it is now my godly crown thing, and despite the fact that some fool gave Kyo milk and he had to 'go' all over my headdress I will treasure it for always.

Diary,

Threw out the stupid headdress today, I suspect Kyo might have been given chocolate milk the smell was that bad, I'm glad I didn't use the bathroom after him, Ritsu did because he/she (another one of my gender confused relatives) was so nervous, and came out apologizing for having collapsed in the toilets, and for finding the stench repulsive.


End file.
